So...you want to play tech? RIGHT!

Hey all,

So...you want to play tech, eh?

Most of my friends know that I am a combination of Leroy Jethro Gibbs (Smart), Monk (OCD), Cal Lightman (knows better), and Greg House (just a smart ass with relationship and intimacy issues, who is usually right and pisses a lot of people off along the way!)  Most either hate me or love me.  Either way, I am a pretty darn good systems engineer.  So when I hear people talking about technology by throwing in big words every now and again to make it sound like they know what they are talking about, or trying to confuse people who don't know any better, my eyes widened, my heart starts to race, and I think... "Oh boy, this is going to be fun!"  I can spot a phony bologna tech like a blood hound dog tracking a french bathed whore.

I get calls from people all over the world asking for help on this or that.  It plays nicely with my ego when someone calls for help from New Zealand or Jordan, but it doesn't agree with sleep.  However the majority of the calls and emails I receive are right here in Wisconsin.  I know a bunch of the techs across the state.  There are my tight friends that we share a lot of what we do with each other.  Then there are those who I know and respect their talents that I am not so tight with.  Then there is the majority.  These would be the people, who by some divine miraculous intervention, have arrived in a place of responsibility and authority in technology.  They would be the people who would turn off DNS because it was not approved software.....And so our story begins...

I never pick up my phone unless I know the phone number.  If someone wants to leave a message I'll get back to them.  I have learned what "I have a quick question" and "May I have a moment of you time?" actually mean.  I got 6 calls in a row from the same number.  The 6th time, they left a message.  I looked up the number, found out where it was from, and didn't know anybody at the place.  However, as I said, I help out people from time to time so I called them back.  The message was something like "Tom!!!  We could really use your help.  NOTHING WORKS, please call!"  My blood hound sense peaked.  "Nothing works!" is the key.

So I called to figure out what is going on.  Here is a little background for you to walk through with me.  This is a complete Microsoft shop with a combination of Windows 2000, 2003, and 2008 running A/D.  There is about 15 servers, nothing virtual.  Nothing ever gets updated or patched unless there is a problem.  Why patch anything if it is working, right?  After all, patching isn't important; the only thing that is important is the time and what happens in the classroom, right?  (oops, a little more information that necessary... :)  ).

And now..."nothing works".  Translated, nobody can login, not even on the servers, services are not starting, etc.  Just about as close to nothing working without being powered down.

This begs the question, "What happened, what changed"  And I got the answer I expected....."nothing!"  So, I do what can be predicted.  I respond, "YOU LIE!"  If you have worked with computers or technology for any period of time, you know that the only constant is change.

"Think hard, think really hard!  Did you or someone else add, change, move or remove anything?"

Along with a lot of other questions, I began to realize that this person was in charge of technology, did a few things like adds/moves/changes, and was probably pretty good at that, but really had no clue on how technology works.  I also realize that this person has a role in their organization that made them completely responsible for the design and engineering of the infrastructure.  And yet, they had never really had any technology training beside the seminars and weekend things.

After about an hour on the phone in the evening...I was able to pry out of her that she had removed an old server from the network that they have not used in years.  It was an old Windows 2000 server that did absolutely nothing.  Someone told them that it was important one time but it was in the way and nobody ever connected to it anymore.

Hum.....(thinking, thinking, thinking).  It went something like this

Me:  So..."When you took out this server, is that about the same time all the problems started?"

Her:  "Come to think of it, maybe?"

Me:  "What server is your DC?"

Her:  "What?"

Me:  "What server or servers have the FSMO rolls attached to it?"

Her:  "That IT!  I remember FSMO!  That is what that server was, FSMO!  What is that?"

Me:  "By chance, do you still have that server lying around anywhere?"

Her:  "No, we recycled it, was that bad?"

Me:  "Well, do you work with any technology consultant?"

Her:  "Nope, I do it all, I have my degree in information technology so I run it all"

Me:  "Okay, well....do you have ANY other server that you know of that contained ANY of the DC FSMO rolls, Backups, ANYTHING?"

Her:  "Nope, is this bad?  Can't we just put in another server for FSMO?  Can you help me with this over the phone?"

Me:  "Ah, nope...you are pretty much screwed now.  I can't help you anymore.  You are going to have to call someone in to do some major work."

Her:  (Angry and sarcastic) "Okay, but I thought you were really good, better than that?  And you can't fix it?

Me: "Well, I am good, but I can't fix stupid,  'here's you sign!' "

Her:  "Thanks anyway, but I am going to try to fix it myself.  Can I call you if I need any help?"

Me:  "No hablo ingles!"

So...what did she learn? 

There are these things called FSMO rolls, 5 of them to be exact, that are UBER important.  Along with DNS, AD can not live without them.  Before you take down a server, you need to MOVE them to another server and keep the downed server offline for a while before disposing of it.

That is what I would hope she would have learned.  What I think she really learned is that I don't know anything about technology.  :)  Maybe she won't call anymore either.

So, if you want to play tech, find your AD server with a FSMO roll and pull it out of the network.  And you can do this ONLY if you have a degree in Information Technology, because that gives you the right to do it!  :D

FUNNY STUFF!