Speaking for many of the men that I know, we are visual in nature. Men are aroused by the visual, and even the imagination is visual to us. Aural and written words typically have little effect to us without the visual or imagination of the visual. Having talked with a few women, they shared with me it works differently for them.
(Explanation forward is my best attempt at understanding women....a task as monumental as herding cats)
For women, it is all about the feeling and the aura and the mystery and the passion and the imagination. It is not about the visual. Although a good visual doesn't hurt the moment, the true passion for women is in what is going on in their minds, and then the body follows.
Speaking as a guy, it is completely opposite. Let me explain this a bit more to see if anyone gets it.
A man is just sitting there minding his own business; thinking absolutely nothing. A woman walks by him. She is wearing a mini skirt and a blouse that is a bit too small for her figure. She is well made up and she walks with a strut in her high heals. The man looks up and his eyes are drawn to her like a tiger to prey. He his mesmerized by her and may have a difficult time turning away. There is only one thing he is thinking if he is thinking at all....WOW. (queue the scene from Bambi where all of the animals became "twitterpated")
At no time does he go off into an internal soliloquy, "I wonder if she is smart? I wonder what she does for a living? I wonder if she can cook? I wonder what she does for fun? I wonder what makes her laugh? What is her favorite movie? I wonder what she was like as a kid? I wonder what her favorite place is in the entire world? I wonder if she is a cat or dog person?" You get the drift.
And here is what doesn't make sense, ladies. Even if a man is older and wiser and understands this, he may ask these questions, and then answer them for her in his own mind with answers that suit him.
"Is she smart?" Of course she is! A woman like that can't be dumb.
"What does she do for a living?" She must be a Doctor, or Lawyer, or some sort of executive because a person that beautiful must have one of those positions.
"Can she cook?" Of course she can! She is a master chef in 3 different genres of food.
"What is her favorite place?" With ME of course!
"I she a cat or dog person?" She loves ALL animals, especially the ones I love!
After the woman passes along, and the emergency alert system sound that just played in his mind which cause the man to pause all brain function and garnished his complete attention, stops alarming, then the man can reflect and begin to think rationally again. Blood begins flowing again to his brain and his thinking senses return. His mind takes control again with "I now return you to your originally scheduled programming."
If any of you are having a difficult time with this, let me point you to the 1979 film "10". There is a specific scene where Bo Derek is running down the beach in her one piece bathing suite, her beaded hair flopping up and down. The camera then switches back to Dudley Moore where you can almost see the intelligence leave his body as he stares at her. This, ladies, is the power you hold over men. Use it wisely.
By this time reading through this blog, if not sooner, I can hear the collective moan of "Men are pigs!" Right? Let me redirect you to the reason for this post. I postulate that the book/movie 50 Shades of Grey does something very similar to women as my story does to men. After reading this book or watching the movie, you should not have the expectation or deserve the right to tell your husband or boyfriend to not watch porn. It does exactly the same thing to woman as traditional porn does for me. In essence, 50 Shades Of Grey is porn for women. And because it doesn't fit the visual definition of porn, it can fall under the categories of "Art", "Entertainment", "Fantasy", which makes it completely acceptable in our culture.
Take that same conversation that I heard, change it up a bit from a woman's perspective hearing two guys talk to one another. "Hey John, have you read that new book "New Porn Book"? There aren't many words but lots of pictures. Nothing left to the imagination! It is OUTSTANDING, probably my favorite book of all time. I can't wait until they make it a movie! I wish I had a woman like that!"
And all/many of the women collective say, "What a pig!" Know that some guys think the same way when we hear you talking with admiration about 50 Shades of Grey.
Let me share another person's blog "To the Women of America: 4 Reasons to hate 50 Shades of Grey" http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/07/25/women-america-4-reasons-hate-50-shades-grey/2/#cgMkbhTpqceK5kPb.01
*I have not read the book but have talked with enough people (men and women) who have read it.
Thoughts
