The Death of VMWare - The End is Near! Man your Battle Stations and/or Man the Lifeboats!

Hello all,

Okay...blogging is so out.  I get it.  I should tictac, youface, flutter, or some other social media.  I am one of the old school guys which is why this post is so painful to me.

VMWare was purchased by Broadcom in November 2023.  There was a lot of speculation around 2022 about what Broadcom would do to VMWare.  Many of VMWare users talked about the end of the world scenarios with VMware while the talking heads told everyone to "calm down and nothing is going to change.  It will still be the same VMWare everyone loves."  (I think Broadcom had their fingers crossed behind their back.) (and, btw, I am not too keen on having a non-US company (debatable) owning such a vitally integrated technology product  but that is for another blog).

Since then, we are right now in the midst of witnessing the total annihilation of VMWare as a viable and affordable solution in the hypervisor space.  Most everything that was predicted by the people that loved VMWare is coming true.  Broadcom's sweeping changes have shook not only VMWare users but the entire computing industry.  So what have they done.

1.  VMWare staff leaving in droves.  Broadcom is following their playbook after purchasing the once giants Computer Associates (CA) and Symantec, by doing "A Worker Adjustment and Retraining Notification" notice filed in Colorado said 184 employees were to be cut in Broomfield.  Then another 2800, then another ???.  I'm pretty sure we aren't done yet.  Where have I seen this before?....hum....  The acquisition of Novell by Attachmate.   Novell who?

2.  "Broadcom simplifies licensing for better support and service."  Translated....bend over, this is going to hurt....A LOT.  They have completely ended the perpetual license agreement, with yearly support, as an option and are forcing all users to a 'better more streamlined" option.   I can tell you personally that this left me with a 36% cost increase ONLY if I signed up for 3 years.  It was 54% if I only signed for 1 year.  

3.  Broadcom strategy switches to Global Enterprise Customers (total of 600).  Why?  Because it is another page in the Broadcom playbook, and because they can.  So many Global Enterprises have bought into VMWare as THE leader in the hypervisor space.  What does that mean?  It means that the giant Global Enterprises will have to pay the exorbitant prices (for a time) simply because it will cost too much money and take too much time to migrate to another product. 
    What this means for the small and medium sized business?  Broadcom doesn't care.  It's business.  Pay up or go away!

4.  They have discontinued the free hypervisor.  While it is slimmed down from all the license models, this option was a keystone in bringing VMWare to popularity.  Small and mid-sized companies could run the hypervisor without all the frills, bells and whistles for free, and learn how to use it before actually buying the product.  This free option got people hooked on it for what it could do.  It also was a huge benefit for technicians to start using it.  There has been huge following in the VMWare Users Group (VMUG) community.  Long time supporters are leaving in droves.

5.  Broadcom axes Carbon Black along with End User Computing, EUC; Horizon.  Out of all the things they are doing, this one hurts the most.  I have been been a champion of Horizon since the early days, and to see it getting the axe is a shame.  However, I have a hope based on past product history.

6. Long establish relationships with hardware vendors, such as Dell, are gone.  It use to be you could partner with your hardware vendor and get a pretty good price on VMWare by purchasing or upgrading your hardware.   Those days are gone.  Broadcom has nixed all of those relationships and instead are try to spin it as being "vendor agnostic"  What that really means is "We want more of your money."

Ultimately, this marks the rapid destruction of VMWare.  What hope could I have?

There are a group of us that were defenders to the death of Novell.  We watched the once King of the Hill software company crumble into disintegration.  We watch them and listen to the talking heads tell us that nothing is going to change, but in fact, things are going to get better, only to watch Novell get torn apart from the inside out.  What is happening to VMware by Broadcom is not new.  Attachmate, Microfocus, and now Opentext, all have had a go around of selling off patents and intellectual property in order to line the pockets of the owners.  

So you see, Broadcom is simply doing the same thing to VMWare as has happened to Novell.  They will force everyone to pay a high cost to use their product.  Eventually everyone will make a plan to move off of them which will leave what little is left to be sold off as intellectual property to a point where we all say, VMWare who?

Speaking as one that went down with the ship with Novell, it is time to evaluate and migrate to another platform asap.  With Novell, it was a slow death.  With VMWare, unless there is a course correction, it will be done in less than 3 years.  Anyone with VMWare experience or certification will only be useful to the point of being able to migrate companies to other hypervisor platforms. 

VMWare hit a corporate iceberg.  I, for one, am not going to wait until the lifeboats are full.

Let me know what you think.

Tom

Purchase of VMWare

The Promise/Lie from Broadcom

Stockholders Line their Pockets

The End of End User Computing (Horizon and Carbon Black)

Everybody Doesn't Have a Job

End of Perpetual License

Dramatically Simplifies Licensing - Ha!

This guy nails it - even if it is older info

Why it Sucks to be a VMWare customer right now

Runner Interferes With Service Dog, Suing Disabled Veteran for Having His Dog in a Race.

Hello all,

Hello. I am Tom Hafemann and I am fundraising to pay for legal defense for myself and my service dog Jetta.

Civil Action Case No.: 2021-CP-10-03-03463. Filed in Charleston, SC.

Jetta and I were running in the Kiawah Island half marathon when someone came between and interfered with my leashed service dog. All three of us tumbled to the ground. She claims she was hurt, yet finished the marathon. She is stating that Service Dog or not, Jetta has no business being on the course.  She is suing for damages, punitive damages and the cost of the lawsuit. Here is a bit more to the story.

Anyone who knows me knows a few things about me.  First, I have a trained Service Dog, Jetta.  Second, she goes everywhere I go, including running.  

I served in the US Navy aboard the USS Nevada, SSBN 733, Gold crew. (1988-1992).  Jetta received her Service Animal diploma from Service Dogs 4 Veterans (www.sd4v.org) on August 22, 2018.  Since that time, she has gone with me everywhere I have gone.  She has traveled on planes, ships/boats, trains, cars, kayaks, escalators and elevators.  She goes with me to restaurants, sports events, and even to the bathroom.

Jetta is a Black Lab, Whippet mix; affectionately called a "Whipador".  She loves to run and so do I.  So I have been running with her attached to my 4 foot running tether leash.  She is well trained, follows my commands, and does everything I ask her to do.  She will run in the heal position in tight quarters and run in the lead left position when we run in the open.

On December 14th., 2019, Jetta and I ran in the Kiawah Island Half Marathon.  Traditionally, dogs are not allowed to run in races.  However, Jetta just isn't a dog.  She is my personal trained ADA Compliant Service Animal.  ADA, American Disability Act, requires that a service animal be given access to or given accommodation to any public place or event.  ADA Law 2010 .  I told Kiawah Island Half Marathon officials about Jetta, and they made accommodation.

So, here is what happened.

Jetta and I were running.  At around mile 7, things began to get a little tight.  I reeled in Jetta to run in heeled position.  This made us double wide.  At 7 miles into a half marathon, there really aren't many people passing.  The field has spread out a bit and most everyone at 9 miles is going to finish where they are.

However, there was this one person, Patrice Corriera of Madison, Connecticut.  She was in front of Jetta and I.  Jetta and I were running very well, feeling good and still on about a 9 minute mile pace, and we caught up to Patrice around mile 10.  Watching others in front of me have difficulty getting past her, as it appeared she would attempt to block their efforts, I knew it might be a bit difficult for me as well.  As she slowed from her pace, it seemed like she didn't want anyone to pass her.  For the next 1 to 2 miles I had been trying to pass Patrice with, "On your left" or "On your right".  Each time we tried to pass, she would move toward the side where we were going to pass, thereby blocking our ability to pass.  Again, we were relatively tight quarters.  Jetta was running in the heeled position.

Between mile 11 and 12, roughly, I saw an opportunity to pass.  This time I wanted to get thin and let Jetta out into the GO position as we set off to sprint to pass Patrice.  As we got closer I yelled "ON YOUR LEFT!"  This time, Jetta got past her but I didn't.  Patrice moved and positioned her between Jetta and I, again seemingly to block our pass, got tangled in our leash; both Patrice and I fell to the ground.   I stopped and asked if she was okay, she said no.  At that time I signaled for a race official that came over to take care of Patrice.  I asked the official if they got this situation.  They replied yes, so I carried on with the race, but very angry that she came between me and my service dog.  The extra anger adrenaline drove me to finish with sub 9 minute miles.

Both Jetta and I, and Patrice finished the race.  

A few months later I get some harassing letters from attorney's telling me that I need do this that and another thing because my dog had no business being on the race field.  They said they were/are going to sue me for medical injuries sustained by Patrice.  After talking with an attorney, they said these were just scary lawyer letters intended to rile me up.  (Remember, she finished the race!)

Well, I keep getting harassing letters, along with telephone calls, insurance company letters, and USA Track and Field, Inc. letters telling me that they are putting me on notice.

I have not run much with Jetta since this incident.  I haven't run a race.  While Jetta loves to run and can do fine with nobody else around, as soon as there is another runner in sight, she cowers and is severely distracted with her duties. I have been working with Jetta and a few other people to get her use to running in a group again.   Patrice has interfered with the duties of my service dog.  I am still working with Jetta to get her over the incident.  Jetta is now skittish around other runners.

As a result of all of this, my highly trained Service Dog is longer able to provide a key part of this veterans VA prescribed physical & mental therapy because of her trauma caused by inattentive runner that didn’t follow runner protocol.

So I am asking you, my friends for advice.  If you know anyone that can help me, please pass this along.  I am so very upset that I keep getting these harassing lawyer and insurance letters.  I sure would appreciate any legal or professional advice.

Here is my gofundme link if you could help me get through this situation.  Any help would be appreciated.

Disabled Unemployed Veteran Lawsuit defense fund

Tom

What's next concerning Internet censorship?

Hello Friends,

Seeing all that is happening today, in the internet world of censorship, got me thinking.  What's next?  Being an IT guy I can tell you this, as the song says, "Baby, you just ain't seen nothing yet!"

The next thing up is DNS, TCP/IP blocking, hijacking, redirection, along with Infrastructure hijacking and Distributed Denial-of-Service (DDOS) attacks.  Let me set the stage.  (getting a bit nerdy)

The internet world is made up of what is called the 7 layers of the OSI model; sometimes referred to as the "7-Layer Salad".  If you can control, manipulate, corrupt, block, or disrupt any of those layers, you can control what really happens in any network, i.e., the Internet.

DNS operates at layer 7, the Application Layer.  While TCP/IP operates at layers 3 and 4 respectively; the Network and Transport layer.

What happened with Parler and other platforms was most notably at Layers 6 and 7; the Presentation and Application layers respectively.  For my true nerdy folk out there, okay yes.  You can make a reasonable case that the other layers were involved too.   

This is all the nerdy I am going to get in this post.  I am going to show a fictitious, yet real life correlation that might help you understand the next big thing.

Let's start with a shopping mall.  And let's say that they sell everything you are against; whatever your definition of that is.  And you have some pull, influence, interest with the management of that mall.  The first thing you can ask the management to do is to kick everyone out.  This is what happened with Parler, and might happen with many other companies that have "stores" on Amazon AWS, Google, Azure, Apple, etc.  But not only did they kick them out, they cut off all necessary products and supply lines to the store.  This is where Google Apps, Apple Store, Stripe come in.  To add to the mayhem, they cut off all the ancillary ties to the store, such as Twitter, Snapchat, Reddit, Pinterest, Instagram, advertisers, etc.

Let me turn the table on you.  Let's say you were one of the store owners that was thrown out of the mall, got their necessary and ancillary products sources cut off.  What would you do?   It is the hope that those that kicked you out of the mall would see you give up, go home, and get on board with what they want you to do and how they want you to behave.  But you are strong, resilient, and believe in your product so much that you are going to build your own infrastructure, and team up with other stores that were kicked out and build your own mall.  That way you can run your business the way you want.  This is where it gets interesting.

So you build your own mall, and nobody comes.  The mall is completely empty even though you had such a great business.  You even received money to build the mall.  You think, WHAT HAPPENED?  Let me tell you.  😡😢

The same folks that kicked you out of the mall may have put up barricades and road closed signs.  They may have even turned off GPS navigation (DNS) to your mall.  Or even better yet, they re-routed (hijacked) the traffic that was going to your mall to their mall.  And your customers think that they are actually supporting you, when they have no idea they aren't.  What they really have done was create a somewhat sophisticated live version of the gameshow called "To Tell The Truth".  (look it up if you don't get the reference) They have manipulated the internet paths so much that you think you are going to where you want to be, when in reality, they have taken you to where they want you to be.  At the end of every show, the host would say,  "Would the real (person), please stand up?"  And inevitably only one person would stand, the studio would be surprised, and a lot of yuks would happen.  The only difference is in our example, you would have many, hundreds or thousands of this person, place, thing stand up to be acknowledged as the "real" one.  And here is the kick to the head with a boot, the "real" one may not even be in the group!

And why can they get away with this?  Because once someone(s) is able to manipulate one layer of the OSI Model, they are now empowered to manipulate/change the entire OSI model as they see fit.  

The even more scary part of this is that there are certain people that think that as long as I agree with what is being censored it is okay.  What I think they fail to realize is that it can, and will, easily happen to them too.

Now you might say, "Tom, you are a paranoid conspiracy theorist" and I would agree with you.  But I have seen this in action on a smaller scale.  I have also seen technology that is very very good for mankind be equally horrific to mankind.  The scalpel the cures is also the scalpel that kills.

As I said, "Baby, you just ain't seen nothing yet!"  There is more, much more beyond this.  

Hello Neighbors

Hello Neighbors,

I am Tom Hafemann, my wife Susie, and my Service Dog, Jetta.  You may have seen us running in the neighborhood.  We run between 6 and 11 miles every day.  I love seeing our beautifully manicured and decorated neighborhood.

First of all, Susie and I are born-again Christians.  We love our neighborhood and attend Brookwood church.  We are from Wisconsin but have lived all over the world.  We've been here for a little over 2 years.  God has put it on my heart to pray for our neighborhood.  I say a prayer for you every time I pass your home.  I would love to talk with you about the reason for my faith sometime.  I am training with a "Run for God" group at Brookwood.  While the group has a group run goal, I am personally training for the Spartan race in Spartanburg next month.

I am a Disabled Navy Veteran of the Persian Gulf war.  Jetta received her certification from Service Dogs for Veterans in Fountain Inn.  She is a "Whippador", half Black Lab and half Whippet.  She is very friendly and has never met a stranger, including other dogs.  When she is wearing her service dog vest she is working.  Please let her work.  When she isn't, as when she runs with me, she is just a normal dog.  She knows the difference.

I love that we have so many pets in our neighborhood.  Jetta has played with a few of them.  Most stay in their yard, maybe bark at us, but pretty much leave us alone on our run.  There are a few dogs that have chased and attacked us.  If you have a dog that is the unfriendly attacking type, I would appreciate a little help with this.  And while she provides a great service to me, I also need to protect her from harm.  Jetta is not a "poop fairy".  You might be able to see I run with poop bags and promise to clean up after her as best as I can.  If I run out of bags on my run, know that I will come back later.

I have been out of work since May so I have quite some time to train.  I am actively seeking employment and would appreciate it if you know of anyone looking for a skilled technology executive, you would pass along my profile.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tomhafemann/

You can also find me on our NextDoor neighborhood app as well as Facebook.  

People have asked me why I have a service dog and why I Run for God?  Well, those are stories for another time.

We'd like for you to get to know us and like to get to know you.

Tom Hafemann

Tom, Why Do You Pick Up Pennies?

Hello again all,

There is typically just a small group of people who receive my blogs, and even a smaller group who actually read them.  So if you are reading this, bravo for you.  :D

There is a long standing joke, or joking around, that I will pick up any change off the ground.  pennies, nickles, dimes, anything.  A few of my friends have cashed in on the joke as all good friends do.  I have one friend who actually bought a roll or two of pennies and would randomly throw them on the ground just to see me pick them up.  My friends would laugh and get a good chuckle.  It got a bit tiring and they thought it was a good chain yanker, but it doesn't much bother me what they think or why they do it.  I know that they are my friends and they are having a good time at my expense, but I am still going to pick up pennies.

I wish I could say I have some super spiritual reason for picking up pennies.  There is a story about a man who picks up pennies because of the phase "In God We Trust".  While that is in itself a worthy and noble enough reason to pick up a penny, it isn't my reason.

I wish I could say that I am picking them up to save for a cause, for a cure, for something noble, but I am not.  Each time I pick up a penny I say, "Blessed by the Lord."

I wish I could say that I am picking them up to use for some other purpose like making a table of pennies, or using them to decorate, plant in a garden to keep away slugs, line up 16 pennies to measure an exact foot, or just drilling holes in them to make washers (which is cheaper than buying a washer in the store).  But no none of these are the reason I pick up pennies.

The real reason that I pick up pennies goes back many years ago.  You see, before certain times in my life, I too would not go terribly out of my way to pick up change.  There is an OCD side of me that says that having money on the ground is not right and needs to be fixed, but I could forgo some of that urge.

I could point to many times, even going back to my childhood where money was tight.  My brother and I would use straws and wadded up napkins to reach for and pull money from under vending machines that other people couldn't or didn't want to reach.  I also remember racing through the O'Hare airport back in the day when there were lines and lines of pay telephones.  We would go to the airport on 'vacation' to watch the airplanes take off and land from the observation deck.  We never got to ride in one, so the next best thing was to watch them take off an land.  But I digress, we would frantically run from pay phone to pay phone looking for any change that anyone might have left in the phone.  We realized that sometimes coins just got stuck and all you had to do was either press the coin return lever, or bang on the phone a bit to get the coins to drop.  I remember a time when we walked out of there back in the 70's with over $2 each.

But the one time that was a turning moment in my life was a time when I found myself homeless, living in my car, without any money except for 31 cents that I managed to find under the seat.  My car was nearly on empty and it was a cold fall.  I needed my car to get around and for shelter.  I had to choose between 31 cents in gas or maybe buying something to eat.  This was one of the lowest, most humbling times in my life.

I decided that having gas, even 31 cents worth, in my car was more important than eating.  After a while I got very hungry, to the point that I had rationalized stealing food from the store to survive.  I even amazed myself what I would do when I was that hungry.  I am not proud of this and nor do I condone it.  In fact, I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself for this.  But at the time, I thought I had no other choices.  I would steal canned fish, anything that was open in the fruit or vegetable section, and one time even hot dogs.  Over time I found other food outlets that didn't involve stealing.

But I vividly remember coasting into the gas station, as I turned off my car and coasted as far as I could and even pushed when I needed to, just to save gas.  When I got to the pump I thought how awkward this is going to be to put exactly 31 cents of gas in my car.  And if I do go over, Lord I hope that there is a "Need a Penny" inside.  As I got out of my car I saw another penny on the ground.  I looked around and saw that someone had actually emptied their entire ashtray, full of cigarette butts and change, all over the ground.  I sifted through the mess and managed to pick up another 53 cents.  This got me thinking....I wonder if there is any money at the other pumps?  I walked to every pump in the station and sure enough, I found more money.  I moved garbage cans, looked inside of them.  I found enough pennies and spare changed to buy over a gallon of gas.  I left my car at the gas station and walked a few blocks down to the other gas station.  There too I found a few more pennies.

I pumped my gas and went into pay.  It was then I realized that I am about to dump a lot of coins that were on the ground, in ash trays, onto the counter.  I went into the bathroom and washed the change as best I could and dried it off.  I then came to the side of the gas station counter and neatly stacked the change so that it could be counted accurately by the attendant.  When it was my turn, the attendant didn't even count the change.  He grabbed it all and said, "Looks close enough, I trust you."  I don't know if it was that he was lazy and simply didn't want to count the money, or that he was sympathetic and knew it would be close enough.  Either way, I had the exact amount, $2.21.

This went on for several weeks until some other things changed in my life.  It took over a year and a very good friend, whom I miss dearly, and some of the friends that kid around with me about pennies before I was able to even have my own place.

I really wish I could share some really cool reason that I pick up pennies, but there isn't one.  It is all about survival, and remembering a time when each penny was valuable.  It was about a time when I said, "Lord, give me today food.", and then returning and truly meaning, "Lord, thank you for this food today."  I know some people will pray and out of automatic conditioning, "OH LORD GOD!. Thank you for this food which is before us today....".  Not me!  Every time I pray, "thank you for this food", I remember that every penny counted, and still counts today.

Three little deadly words

Hello all,

As I reflect on my career, technology, relationships and life in general, there seems to be a thread of diametrically opposed philosophies that play in my mind.  The struggle is real every day and it all starts with those three deadly words, "I Love you"

Life is hard.  And things happen in life, just as it has been for generations before us.  I do believe in God, the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob, and his son, Jesus Christ.  I believe the Bible is the inspired word of God, useful in everyday life.  And even with this, I still struggle.

With my career position and where i am at in life, it is hard for me to admit this; I struggle with PTSD and OCD, which manifests in anxiety, insecurity and depression.  Some days are good and some are bad.  Some days no matter what is wrong, it doesn't get me down. Some days no matter what is right, it seems like the end of the world.  Some days I need a reminder to just keep breathing.

One part of this that has significantly impacted me is relationships.  Throughout my life, relationships were based on what each person could provide to the other.  Performance based relationships.  If you couldn't provide enough in the relationship, you were not valued and tossed.  If you provided too much in the relationship, you were taken advantage up and became the relationship sugardaddy/sugarmommy.  It was either suck the life out of the other person or have the life sucked out of you.  Achieving balance is like dancing on the head of a needle.

I can not think of a time that I didn't simple assume that everyone I knew was going to betray me or leave me.  It is something that I have inside that I cant explain or control.  It is difficult to deal with and I know how crazy this is.  In the end, I push my friends away before they get a chance to leave.  It is hard.  I find that I am oversensitive and hyper-vigilant, sometimes making up scenarios in my head or coming to irrational conclusions of what was just said or talked about, just to push them away before I get hurt.  

When I hear "I Love you" it simply tears me apart.  When my wife says, "I love you", I think "Great!  What does she want now?  Time to put in another mainline to suck the life out of me to near death again.  When I hear my friend say, "I love you man", I hear a request to have some sort of need met in a tit for tat exchange.  When I hear "God loves me", I think "SHIT, I am REALLY going to disappoint Him"  I can't even sing songs about the Father's love in church.  I know in my head that this isn't the love that God has for us, but it is the at odds with the definition love I know and have learned to accept.

In my mind, "I Love you" makes me cringe with despair.  It comes with all kinds of strings attached.  I did this for you because "I Love you".  I am giving you this gift because "I Love you".  This is something that we can do together because "I love you"  I think of these things as debts that need to be repaid.  And the more "I Love you"'s I hear, the more in debt I am.

Tragically, in all of this, I realize that I have sabotaged nearly all my relationships in order to maintain some self preservation.

For those in my past, I am sorry to have put you through this. 

For my long time and current friends, I again am sorry.  There are no other words I have.

I came to the end of writing this and thought now what?  Am I writing this to justify or rationalize my behavior?  no.  I think I am wondering if anyone else is like this and is struggling too.

If you are, how is that working for you?

For me, I'd like to never ever again hear 'I love you'.  And if you need to say something to me that expresses it, how about saying something like "How about dem der Packers, eh?"

Fathers Day, a day that hurts.

So, I am going to post something that might not be totally correct on this day, but there is another perspective.

When I see all of the pictures and happy fathers day wishes, it is painful for me.  Fathers day isn't happy for me.

I am reminded of all the times my father wasn't around and all the things we didn't do, except work.  I remember back to September 26, 1995 when I, my then wife, and children were considered no longer a part of the family; and haven't had much contact with any of them since.  I wasn't allowed to attend my fathers funeral, but that is for another story. To this day I cannot remember ever having a meaningful conversation with my father. We didn’t fish or hunt together, we didn’t go to baseball games together pretty much nothing but work, and even then I couldn't get it right enough.  Heck, my brother has memories of holding the damn flashlight.

As a father myself, happy fathers day is a reminder to me how much I have become like my father, and how many times I have failed my children; and continue to do so.

Happy fathers day means remembering all the times I was presented with a no win decisions between work, school, home, friends, family and God.  And it mattered very little what decision I would make, it was the wrong one with devastating consequences.

Happy fathers day means having regrets of doing something or not doing something, saying the right thing at the wrong time or the wrong thing at the right time.  It is all those things I wish I would have done and all those things I wish I wouldn't have done.

Happy fathers day means seeing traits in my adult children I wish they never learned from me.  Seeing them make the same decisions and mistakes that I made.  Sure, I thought they were right at the time and I did my best.  But now I have the benefit of having 20/20 hind site.

Happy fathers day means thinking and remembering the past and being paralyzed to move forward to make any decisions.  And while some of you may be saying....DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, believe me I wish I could.  But you might as well tell the lame to walk, the dead to rise, the mute to speak, and the sick to heal themselves.

Happy fathers day means going to church and hearing about God our Father.  For many years I cringed when people referred to God as “Father.” Inside I was thinking, “Not interested!”  I still can't sing those songs.  I remember my father and me as a father and can not and do not want that kind of relationship ever again.  "Heavenly Father" might as well be "Forever Tyrant", or "Eternal Dictator"

Maybe it’s not so “happy” for you. Perhaps you’re one of those people who will play the charade of giving a gift, sending a card or making a phone call out of obligation or guilt. Maybe you carry deep wounds from your relationship (or lack thereof) with your father. Perhaps you’ve suffered from the disapproval, rejection, absence or abandonment of your father. Maybe you will try to drum up some positive demeanor toward your dad on Father’s Day even though you really feel nothing at all.

I get it.  I understand!  Sometimes I wish they would change this day to "Biological Sperm Donor".  I could wrap my hands around and celebrate and say "Yes, I did that!"

These helps a little:

http://thrivetherapymn.com/blog/2016/06/not-happy-fathers-day/
http://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/when-fathers-day-hurts

So today, I don't celebrate as some do.  Some day, I and others might be able to say Happy Fathers Day, but not today.